


Falling Apart and Coming Together Again

by ElStark



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, I miss Derek, M/M, Malia Doesn't Exist, Panic Attacks, Season 5 Derek Hale, Sterek reunion, this is my way to cope with the shitshow that is Season 5 :), what if
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4501650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElStark/pseuds/ElStark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after 5x07</p><p>What if Malia doesn't exist and Stiles feels like everything is crumbling away, along with his relationship with the two most important people of his life, Scott and his dad?</p><p>What if in the moment Theo shoved him towards that grate he felt some kind of sexual pull and reminded him of the first time he felt it with Derek, leaving him disgusted and guilty to even put the two names in the same sentence?</p><p>What if Derek's comes back and he finally realizes how much the werewolf actually means to him?</p><p>~</p><p>then Derek’s face does that thing where he looks at him with his fuckin’ trademark brow raise, and Stiles has a sudden urge to cry, though he’s not exactly sure why. “Hey, Sourwolf” he says weakly, and Derek rolls his eyes, but Stiles almost swears that he sees his lips turn upwards as he focuses on Scott again.</p><p>~<br/>Basically Post 5x7 season 5 with Derek in it.</p><p>Basically me missing Derek Hale so damn much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

_Guilt._

No. It was more _Disgust._

Or maybe it was both.

Yeah, definitely both.

Stiles felt guilty _and_ disgusting. How fun is that, huh?

He had felt the pull. And he hated himself for it.

It wasn’t as much for what it could mean, because he had been trying to explore that part of himself for years now. He felt like he could be sick at any moment because of the _person_ he’d felt attracted to.

Because his mind in that moment, when he had been shoved against that grate, had pulled up memories of the first and _last_ person that had shoved him like that and made him feel _confused_ about himself. Feeling like that towards Theo made him feel guilty and disgusting because he felt like it ruined his memory of _that_ time with _that_ person.

He sighed and rubbed away the blood from his face with a wet cloth. He needed to get a grip. There were fuckin’ mad scientists-doctors trying to kill all of them and a freaky, possibly other chimera or Were-creature that was stealing the failed experiments. _Shit_. That felt wrong. They weren’t _just_ experiments, they were dead bodies of teenagers. _Innocent_ teenagers.

He closed his eyes as he felt the familiar feeling of his heart speeding up and the tightness of his skull, like he couldn’t take in enough air no matter how many deep breaths he took. His chest felt tight and he just wanted to crawl away. Away from all of this. Too much. Too fuckin’ much. He was going to lose his best friend. He was going to lose Scott. The thought and the beginning of the panic attack made his stomach roll in a wave of nausea and he puked, gripping the sides of the sink, knuckles turning white.

Feeling sick had mostly done an okay job in subduing the incoming panic attack and now he was left with a massive headache and a crushing feeling of emptiness.

He hit his back on the wall and slowly slid down until he was seated on the floor.

He felt like he was losing everything, like everything he believed in, drew his strengths from was crumbling away like a puzzle lifted at its corners. Every piece scattering in places that he couldn’t reach. Didn’t _know_ how to reach. Like his jeep. That poor thing had endured all kinds of supernatural things. Like him. And he _just_ really wanted to preserve it. To prove that no matter what, _they_ were _still_ standing. But now, he wasn’t sure it was true anymore.

He wished he could just tell him the truth. He would, if he wasn’t scared shitless to lose him. Because right now, Scott and his dad were pretty much all he had. And he knew that if he was going to tell the truth he was going to lose them. Once his father was going to found out about his new lies, he was going to feel hurt. And he couldn’t handle watching his dad _and_ best friend being disappointed in him. He _just_ couldn’t.

He passed out then. Welcoming it. Grateful for some time in which he didn’t have to think of how his life was falling apart.

* * *

 

 

[Tumblr](http://bellarkemylovers.tumblr.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so HI!
> 
> I don't know what this is, I just had so many feels about Stiles during those last few episodes and gifs from 5x07 just gave me the idea of possible Flashback to all the time Stiles had been manhandled by Derek and IDK.  
> What do you think? is it worth it something?  
> Just tell me in the comments if I should continue, cuz I just don't know... Give me a Reason LOL


	2. Hey, Sourwolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek's back bitches!

 

He comes to his senses a little while after. He’s alone and squints his eyes, for a moment not remembering where he is. The headache still feeling like it was trying to drill a hole in his brain. And then he sighs as reality floods in. _Well_ , it was nice ‘til it lasted.

He gets up slowly, knowing from far too many experiences of what will happen if he moves too quickly. He takes a few other steading breaths and finally goes to look for his friends.

When he finally finds them, Scott runs towards him “Hey, are you guys okay? What happened?” he asks looking between Stiles and Theo. Stiles reassures him and tells him what happened at the clinic. Scott groans and runs a hand through his hair.

He’s worried. _Really_ worried.

Stiles knows, he reads it in every crease between his eyes as he frowns trying to think of something, in every quiet tremble that Stiles sometimes catches going through Scott’s arm, like he’s keeping himself from punching something in frustration. And he sees it in his best friend’s eyes, the fear of being too late and not being enough this time.

Stiles squeezes Scott’s shoulder trying to convey as much reassurance and support as he can “We’ll figure it out, some way or another” Scott’s sighs and leans in to rest his head on Stiles’ shoulder for a couple of moments. Stiles pats his back.

When he looks up Scott smiles at him gratefully “Are you really okay?” he then asks searching his eyes, Stiles tries to smile but he’s sure it comes out more like a grimace.

“Well, actually I’m mourning for my jeep..” he says downbeat.

Scott’s gives him one of his trademark puppy smiles and squeezes his shoulder “After all this is over, I promise I’ll bring you all the duct tape I can find.” He says solemnly.

Stiles snorts. He’s pretty sure duct tape won’t do the trick this time. But he knows what Scott’s means. He said it, and made it sound like a promise, but he knew that it was more a wish. A wish to go back to the middle. Stiles wishes for that too, with all of his heart.

Scott had no idea how much Stiles wanted that, how much he wished he didn’t have to lose his best friend after all of this was over.

But Scott doesn’t need to know that now. So Stiles smiles and nods. “I’ll hold on you to that.” He tells him instead, and Scott nods. “Now let’s find Liam.” He says switching off the part of his brain that kept reminding him of how much his life sucked in that moment, and focuses on thinking of a plan of action.

~~**~~

Mason takes them to Cory, the other Chimera, aka the heart of their next Plan to find Liam and Hayden, hopefully still alive.

They spend the whole day going through all they have learnt and know about the Dread Doctors, about the visions that they had at the school and they try to come up with something that doesn’t make them completely useless when they have to face them.

It’s dark now, and they’re all huddled together around Lydia’s car, Scott, Stiles, Lydia, Theo, Cory and Mason too even if Scott would’ve much rather left him somewhere safe, knowing that Liam would’ve bitten his arm off as soon as he saw his best friend in possible danger, but there was no reasoning with kid, also because he was pretty much the only one that Cory really trusted, so they really didn’t have a choice but to take him with them. They are all looking at the map of Beacon Hill’s. There’re specific places circled on it, all of them possible Dread Doctors’ bases. Methodically deciding where to go first and working their way down to the farthest place from where they’re now, in the parking lot of the High School.

And then it all goes to hell, when Cory starts to scream his head off and curl himself on the ground from what seems unbearable pain. Scott is at his side in a second, trying to calm him down. But then stingers are covering Cory’s whole body and the next Stiles knows is that his best friend is heaving on the ground having what looks like a real asthma attack.

He has the inhaler in his pocket, keeping it there since the moment Liam told him about the accident at school, and he’s reaching for it when Cory –or more Chimera now– shoves him aside making him hit the ground in a thump. Hitting his hipbone hard. Pain clouds his vision for a couple of seconds, in which Mason and Lydia are also shoved away. When he looks around again, Theo is fighting alone, but the Chimera is surprisingly too strong this time and throws him halfway to the other side of the parking lot. Scott is still having the attack and Stiles hands curl around his baseball bat as he gets up, inhaler still safely tucked in his pocket. He’s just a few feet away when again the chimera takes a hold of his throat without him having a chance to do anything. The chimera holds him up, lifting Stiles’ feet from the ground, his grip on the bat slackens as it’s getting harder and harder to get air in his lungs. Cory has a deadly grip on his throat and he’s tightening it until Stiles is certain that this is time is really it. _He’s going to die_.

And then he hears it. The loudest, _angriest_ and scariest _growl_ he has ever heard.

The chimera is yanked back and forced to release Stiles’ throat. He falls to the ground again on his side and wheezes finally gulping the air he had been denied until that moment. He hears the loud growl again and mentally cheers for his friend thanking God that Scott was okay and pissed off enough to make those scary growly noises, _ha! Take that ugly chimera, my best friend is going to kick your ass!_ It’s pretty childish of him probably… But give the guy a break he genuinely thought he was going to _die_.

When Stiles finally feels like he had breathed in enough air to function like a normal human again he leans on his elbow to try sitting up. And then his eyes falls on Scott, still on the ground _still_ having an asthma attack. Stiles scrambles to his feet and launches himself towards his best friend, taking out the inhaler and bringing it up to Scott’s mouth in shaking hands “Scott!” he yells taking his friend’s hands and bringing them up to the inhaler “Breathe!” he urges trying to catch his friend’s glazed eyes “C’mon buddy, Breathe!” Scott finally snaps out of it, and takes the inhaler in his own hands and finally _finally_ breathes.

Then they both turn to the fight and whomever is emitting those scary growls and still battling the chimera. Scott jumps up on his feet “Stop!” he yells when he sees that the mysterious werewolf, who was giving them his back, about to smash Cory’s head on the ground. “Don’t kill him!” Scott thunders taking off to reach them. But just when he’s just behind them, the werewolf hits Cory with a blow hard enough to knock him out of consciousness.

When the mysterious guy finally turns, Stiles watches as his world seems to be shifted off balance again.

He should have known.

He _knew_. Since the moment he had set eyes on those jet black hair, and that stupid _stupid_ leather jacket. The back of his brain had obnoxiously chanted the name since the moment he had heard the growl really, but he didn’t want to believe it. It was impossible. It didn’t make any sense.

But there was no doubt of who was standing in front of Scott with the stupid trademark scowl.

 _Derek_.

“Someone care to explain, what the hell is going on?” Derek asks gruffly, looking pointedly at Scott standing in front of him.

Stiles knows exactly what kind of expression his best friend is wearing by the little step back he takes, 1. Because, _seriously_ , he’s known the guy since forever, and 2. Because he’s pretty sure Stiles’ wearing an exact copy of that on his face.

“Derek?” Scott asks, and Stiles also knows that his best friend blinks a few time even if he cannot see it, just because he knows that that’s what his friend does when he can’t believe what he’s seeing and who can blame him, Stiles is having a hard time connecting his synapsis too right now. “What are doing here?!” Scott sounds a little excited but also a little worried.

Stiles watches Derek shift on his feet and make a quick scan of the space in front of him, his eyes meets Stiles’ just for a blink of an eye and then they set on Scott again “I… Doesn’t matter right now, I am back.” He says it like it’s definitive. And something inside of Stiles jumps, catching his breath.

Derek points at the unconscious body behind him “What the hell is going on?” He asks again, his eyebrows raised. Oh, how Stiles missed those. He would _never_ admit it out loud, but he did. He really _really_ did.

Then Lydia is next to Scott and Mason standing a couple of steps back with Theo. Stiles lifts himself off the ground, but remains where he is.

“Well, there’re a bunch of crazy-possibly-ancient doctors that are turning teenagers into supernatural creatures through _science_. They already killed a few, that’s one of them” Lydia says pointing at Cory “Also, they took Liam and Hayden, Liam’s friend who also happen to be a Chimera, that’s what we’ve been calling them..”

“Crazy old Beacon Hill” Derek deadpans tiredly.

“Oh, it get crazier” Stiles can practically hear the sardonic smile in Lydia’s voice “There’s also another thing that keeps stealing the dead bodies of those Chimeras, we have no idea where it takes them or why, but right now it’s not really a priority, we’re trying to find the living first.”

Derek nods “Something else?”

_Uh, I killed one of the Chimeras._

The thought comes to him so easily that for a moment his gut twist in fear of having said it out loud.

“No, That’s about it, for the moment, I think..” Lydia says looking at the others for confirmation.

They all nod, Scott the only one that looks a little distracted.

Stiles’ pretty sure he’s been staring with his mouth agape since the moment Derek had appeared, and maybe he notices because then Derek’s looking pointedly at him. His brows a little furrowed, like he was trying to figure out something. Like why Stiles had not moved from the spot where Cory had left him when _Derek_ had yanked him off Stiles. And then Derek’s face does that thing where he looks at him with his _fuckin’_ trademark brow raise, and Stiles has a sudden urge to cry, though he’s not exactly sure why. “Hey, Sourwolf” he says weakly, and Derek rolls his eyes, but Stiles almost swears that he sees his lips turn upwards as he focuses on Scott again.

* * *

[Tumblr](http://bellarkemylovers.tumblr.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are life.


	3. Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me missing Derek Hale So DAMN much. *sighs*  
> Hope you'll enjoy it <3

They bind Cory’s hands and feet and sit him inside Derek’s Camaro, deciding to take him somewhere he wouldn’t be a threat to others while also keeping him safe from the doctors. Scott climbs in beside the unconscious boy, and Stiles is about to climb in the passenger seat when Derek closes the door before he has the chance, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Ow, dude my Jeep is kind of out of order right now, so I might need a ride..”

“Not in here, go with Lydia” he says jerking towards said car. “I’ll take the new kid, the other werewolf.”

Okay. _Ouch_. That hurt. Like blow to the gut hurt.

“Sure,” he says shrugging exaggeratedly, almost dislocating his shoulders “You wanna have your little werewolfie meeting?” he says almost sneering, “Sniff each other and stuff?” Oh God, someone stop him.

Derek raises an eyebrow at him and is probably going to tell him to go away already, so Stiles throws his arms in the air and precedes him “Fine! I’m going, I’m going!” and climbs sulkily in Lydia’s passenger seat. Then he watches Theo climb in Derek’s car and he has the sudden urge to punch something, and so he does, hitting Lydia’s dashboard whit his fist.

“What the hell, Stiles?!” She jumps looking at him confused.

Stiles squeezes his eyes shut and concentrates on the sharp pain coursing through his shaking fist, and brings it to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

He hears her sigh, “Are you okay?” He opens his eyes to look at her. Lydia is watching him back with a gentle smile, “Cory, got you in a tight grip” she says ghosting her fingers on his throat, and Stiles pushes down the sudden wave of emotion that almost overcomes him caused by that simple gesture.

He clears his throat and tries to smile, “Yeah, it’ll probably bruise.. But what are bruises these days, right?” He says in a pathetic attempt to distraction. Lydia of course doesn’t buy it and watch him intently, but then the Camaro starts to move out from the parking lot and Lydia is forced to get her attention off of him and start the car to follow their friends.

~~**~~

They take Cory to Scott’s house, bind him safely on a chair and then Scott leaves to check on Kira at the Sheriff’s station.

Cory’s still passed out and doesn’t give signs of waking up soon. Everyone though, sit on the couches around the chair where Cory’s bound, and wait. Stiles’ not sure for what.

Finally, Lydia asks one of the questions he’d been dying to ask.

“Where’ve you been, Derek?”

Derek looks like he’d been expecting the question so he slowly straightens himself up from where he was hunched over looking at the kid with furrowed brows –no wonder blaming himself even for this –and starts to tell them how he spent this whole time travelling for then stop in South America where he stayed with Cora.

Stiles listens, but at the same time he doesn’t. Now that he hears him talk, Stiles feel like he doesn’t need to know where he’s been or what he’s done all this time. He feels more the need to look at him. To take in the way his eyes move from person to person while talks, flickering briefly on Stiles before quickly focusing on Lydia again, since she asked the question, Stiles guesses; the way his shoulders moves as he shrugs for something someone asked, the way his Adam’s apple bobs from time to time while he speaks, and the way his lips tugs just that little bit upwards as he talks about Cora. No, Stiles doesn’t want to know _what_ Derek has been doing all this time. He wants to know _why_ he came back.

But no one asks him that. Because it doesn’t matter, he’s here now, and that’s good enough for them. He apparently gave up that little peace he had found while staying away, to come back in a more fucked up Beacon Hills, and everyone, egoistically, was relieved for it. Stiles couldn’t lie, he was _so_ relieved, even more than he should, perhaps. But that didn’t change the fact that Stiles didn’t want him here. Not if he was going to risk his life when he had finally managed to escape from all of this mess.

Stiles doesn’t asks the question though. Instead continues to look at him and tries to resist the urge to go to him and wrap himself around him to shield him from everything and everyone, and beg him to go back to his sister and maybe ask him to take Stiles with him.

~~**~~

Before they know it, morning has come and Cory is awake, looking more Cory than Chimera and looking much disoriented.

Stiles straightens himself up, “Cory?”

“Where am I?” the boy askes him, his voice breaking a little.

“You’re safe. You’re at Scott’s house.” Stiles glances over at Derek who’d just answered the kid before Stiles even had the chance. And looking at him closer Stiles suspects that the werewolf didn’t shut his eyes even for a seconds while they all rested.

“What happened?” Cory then asks looking at himself bound to the chair.

Finally everyone starts to rouse from the little hours of sleep they got and this time Theo answers, “You snapped and then attacked us.”

Lydia huffs as she stands up and goes to the scared kid, “How are you feeling?” She asks crouching in front of him. Cory shrugs and Lydia smiles sardonically, “Yeah, stupid question.. I’m going to unbind you, now, okay?” The guys all tense up and Lydia looks at them narrowing her eyes, “He’s scared out of his mind, he’s not going to attack anyone right now, just look at him.”

Four sets of eyes then set on the poor kid that now squirms under all their gazes and reluctantly they all nod.

Once Cory is free Lydia takes him upstairs to freshen up, Mason following them, and Stiles, Derek and Theo stay downstairs to try figure out what to do next.

Scott then arrives and without saying anything to anyone just goes upstairs.

“Scott!” Derek yells, all of them following him behind.

When they all see what Scott’s doing they all freeze. This is not like Scott. Stiles looks over at Derek on instinct and he must think the same, because he’s looking at the young alpha like he has never seen him before. Something bad must have happened with Kira, Stiles decides, and sighs, because wow, the scale did really tip to the very worse.

Then Scott is telling them where to find Liam and Hayden and Stiles wants to go with him, but he needs to go to the hospital to talk to his dad and see what they’re going to do to keep safe the Chimera’s body. Derek starts to go with Scott but then turns to look at Stiles when he hears that Stiles’ not going to come with them. And _hesitates_.

Stiles doesn’t know what to think of it, normally Derek wouldn’t think twice before following Scott, but now he looks conflicted as he looks between Stiles and Theo, his brows furrowing.

“You coming?” then Scott’s voice asks from the front door and Derek takes one last look at Stiles, squaring himself up, and follows the young alpha outside.

Maybe Stiles’ been wrong. Maybe even Derek didn’t trust Theo after all. He decides to ask him later.

~~**~~

His dad asks him about the key card and Stiles has never felt so ashamed and guilty in lying to his dad, _again_.

He sits in one the chairs in the hall and looks down at the key card in his hands. Again that feeling of everything slipping through his fingers presents itself to him, making Stiles want to run and run, and push it all away until it’s gone.

His heart slams in his chest as he slowly unfolds his fingers towards the bin beside him. Deep down he knows that he’s only delaying the inevitable, but right now he thinks that maybe his father doesn’t have to know, that maybe this will just all blow over, or that maybe this is all just a sick dream, and he’ll wake up to know what it feels like to be genuinely afraid to lose all the people you ever loved.

~~**~~

Liam is safe. Or so Lydia tells them on the phone. Scott’s reaction is immediate, he’s running back towards open air, Derek and Mason following behind him to the car.

Apparently Cory had remembered a new detail that gave the new kid, Theo, the chance to save the day.

Derek watches from afar how everyone takes turns to hug him in thanks. He frowns at the thought that everyone smell a little like Theo now. Like he scent-marked them. Like he’s pack.

Derek looks at Scott that looks completely lost even if Liam and the other girl are sleeping soundly on the couch a few feet away from him. He wants to talk to him, understand what’s really going on in his head, but Lydia is in front of Derek now, and she’s telling him that they need to go to the hospital, to Stiles, and he goes with her without thinking about it twice.

~~**~~

When they arrive to the hospital Stiles is pacing in the lobby, hands running through his hair and down his neck where the Chimera-inflicted bruises are now a deep purple, and looking like he hasn’t slept in days.

Something aches in Derek’s chest but he tries to push it down as they approach him.

“Stiles,” Lydia calls him. He turns immediately at the sound of her voice. When he sees Derek, he falters like he didn’t expect to see him there but quickly resumes walking towards them.

“I know who’s taking the bodies,” he says, and seems to hesitate for a second while he looks at Lydia, and then takes out a metal badge from his pocket and gives it to her, “It’s Parrish.”

Lydia stares at the badge for a while and then nods like she’d suspected it for a while, “And I think I know where he’s taking them.”

 

They take Lydia home, since she left her car at Scott’s so that she could ride in Derek’s Camaro, and then Derek starts to drive towards the Stiliski house.

“Wait,” Stiles says reaching for Derek’s hand on the console but quickly catching himself before making contact, “Where’re you staying at?”

Derek chances a glance his way, “At the loft.”

Stiles nods, “Do you mind if I go with you?” he asks quietly and then rushes, “It’s okay if –if you don’t, I jus-”

“Okay,” Derek cuts him off, and Stiles smiles a little sheepishly.

When they arrive at the loft they spend some time in companionable silence while they pull away the white sheets Derek had used to cover the furniture from the dust before leaving. When they’re done Stiles stands in the middle of the room and looks around as he thinks of all the times he’d wanted to just come here and _be_.

But he never really tried to come, because he was more afraid that being here would make him miss the very person that now was just a couple of feet away from him, more than he already did. Which made him think of the question he was burning to ask since the moment he saw him.

“Why did you come back, Derek?” he turns to him, “There’s nothing here for you but _pain_ and an even more fucked up Beacon Hills than usual.”

“I had my reasons.” Derek says simply after a beat.

Stiles throws up his hands, “Reasons? What does that even mean? What reasons?”

“I’m back, that’s what you need to know right now.” Derek says and Stiles narrows his eyes.

“Why do you keep dancing around it, what is it? Tell me.”

They levelled each other with a fix stare for a while until finally Derek started moving towards him, “That’s not what you should be concentrating on,” he says, “What about you? Why are you so anxious, you reek of sadness and anger,” he points it out by taking another quick sniff at the air above them that makes Stiles gulp uneasy, but it doesn’t last long because then he reels up in anger.

“What do you think?! There’re kids dying every day and no matter what we do! All seems hopeless, like this time we’re not going to win. We’re always late, I –We’re going to lose everything.” His voice turns quiet towards the end, his anger all gone, leaving the familiar empty feeling behind. He closes his eyes and tries to take a deep breath that catches in his throat as his eyes start filling with tears.

“Stiles,”

Derek’s voice is soft, uncertain, but it enough to anchor him. Stiles looks up, “I did something, Derek,” he says voice hoarse, and Derek nods, like he knows –no, like he understands. And that finally breaks him. Stiles clings to Derek’s arms and he tell him everything. He tells him about the Jeep that kept breaking down, of the night when Donovan threatened his dad in front of Stiles, about the night in parking lot while he tried figure out what was wrong with his Jeep when Donovan attacked him, of the run to the library, the fight, the screw that he pulled, of the sound of something going through flesh, of the call to the station, and Donovan’s disappearance. And he tells him about his guilt _and_ his relief, because Donovan’s death meant for his dad to be safe.

And Derek stays silent while he keeps him anchored by holding Stiles from his shoulders. And then Stiles starts to sob as he tells him that he’s afraid of losing everyone, and this time something inside _Derek’s_ break and he closes the distance between them by pulling Stiles’ body to his, as he wraps his arms around him.

Stiles shakes in his arms for a long while. Derek keeps him close eventually chancing to rub Stiles’ back in what he hopes is a soothing manner. Stiles buries his nose in the crook of Derek’s neck in response and Derek has to fight back a shudder.

When finally Stiles leans back, he gives Derek a shy smile and starts to back up, “I’m sorry, I-”

Derek’s doesn’t let go, but tighten his hold on Stiles, “Don’t apologize, not for this. Never for this.”

Stiles eyes fill up again but forces the tears back, and takes a deep steadying breath.

Derek tugs him until they’re seated on the couch, and Stiles gives in without much of a fight. He’s _so tired_. And maybe he said it out loud because then Derek’s hauling him over his body and Stiles is filled with a sense of peacefulness so strong that he falls asleep without even realizing it, lulled by the steady beat of Derek’s heart under his ear.

* * *

[Tumblr](http://bellarkemylovers.tumblr.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love <3


	4. You just fucked up too.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sciles Feels man. I kind of cried again while writing this, so.. yeah...

 

Stiles wakes up with another of his morning, pounding headaches. They pretty much became a norm since, shit started going down again. Still he feels more rested than he’s felt since… Well, he doesn’t even remember when.

He knew why.

It wasn’t like in those movies or books, where the main character wakes up in a different place from where he’s used to, and is momentarily lost on where he is or how he got there. Stiles remembers really vividly where he is and what happened just before he fell asleep _on top_ of Derek. Which probably explains the blush creeping on his face.

“You up?” Derek asks from somewhere not far.

Stiles, finally, opens his eyes and sits up as a reply. Derek is in the small open kitchen, beside the coffee machine.

_Coffee._

It’s all the incentive Stiles needs to get up and walk over there, faintly resembling a zombie.

Derek hands him a steaming mug looking amused. Stiles’ not sure though, his eyebrows just look less broody.

Once he sipped contently at the nectar of the gods for a while, he’s awake and rested enough to start feeling _really_ self-conscious about what happened that night.

“What is it?” Derek asks.

And Stiles sighs, because _of course_ he would pick on the upturn of his pulse. “About yesterday…” Stiles begins shuffling a little on his feet, not quiet meeting Derek’s eyes, “I kind of slept on you, uhm sorry…”

After a while spent in silence Stiles, being too busy staring at his feet, finally looks up when he hears a snort. Derek rolls his eyes, “It’s fine Stiles, you kind of looked like you didn’t sleep in ages, of course you’d sleep on the first available surface, that happened to be me, no big deal.” Derek say frowning at his coffee.

Stiles gapes, “No big- Okay, who are you and what you’ve done with Derek Hale.” Derek scowls and Stiles grins, “There he is.”

Derek shakes his head in a _I’m so done with you_ way and then asks, “Do you want something to eat? We could go somewhere,”

Stiles doesn’t know how to react, so he stares for a while. The question di per se made sense, because Derek hasn’t lived in the loft for a while, so of course he didn’t have food. What was really, _really_ out of the ordinary, was Derek offering _him_ to buy food for. He was pretty sure that would’ve never happened a couple of months ago. Well, to be fair neither was the whole sleeping on each other business.

Maybe it was the coffee or the fact that Stiles had actually got some real resting sleep, or the fact that Derek was finally back and made Stiles feel comfortable enough to forget his worries even for just a while, but Stiles hasn’t felt more like himself like in that moment.

Derek takes the silence and Stiles’ staring, as a yes apparently, and shrugs on his leather jacket, but before he can walk to the door, Stiles grabs his wrist, stilling him in place. “Wait,” Stiles says and Derek looks up from where the boy is touching him. “About… uhm-” Stiles tries to take deep calming breaths, but the panic is settling down on his skin again. His heart pounding in his chest.

Then he feels a hand on his shoulder and glances up, relaxing a little in the touch.

“About, what I told you.. About Donovan, I-”

“You have to tell them, to Scott and your dad.” Derek says firmly.

“How…” Stiles forces out gulping, suddenly feeling a lump in his throat threatening to choke him, “How.. –What do you think of what- ”

“I’m glad he’s dead.” Stiles focuses back on Derek’s face, eyes wide. Derek merely shrugs, “If he wasn’t, it’d mean that you’d be,” Derek’s jaw twitches and breaths out from his nose, like he needs to steady himself before he continues, “You’d be dead. So yeah, I’m glad he’s dead.” Derek pries Stiles’ fingers open from his grip on his wrist so that he can take Stiles’ hand in his. “First, it was an accident, and if you really want to put it on you, then it was self-defence. It was either gonna be you or him. That’s why you have to tell your Dad and Scott, you don’t have anything to feel guilty about, if he hadn’t died that night, we all might have been standing at your bedside in a hospital or worse,” Derek gulps, “… At your funeral. And I’m sure neither of them would ever want that.”

The lump in his throat seems to tighten and Stiles takes a deep, shuddering breath to try steadying himself. For so long, Stiles had never felt safer than he felt right now. Again he wondered why Derek had come back, but didn’t voiced it out.

Derek lets go of his hand and takes a step back, “Let’s get some breakfast.”

~~**~~

Stiles’ nibbling at his half eaten doughnut when finally he remembers something that he’d been dying to tell Derek.

Derek is already looking at him and he raises his eyebrows in that _Hale_ eloquent way, when Stiles turns to him eyes wide, “I don’t trust Theo.” He starts point blank, “There’s something about him that is really shady, and I know he’s a wolf and your _wolfie_ nature probably tells you to trust him, or whatever, like Scott’s seems to do, but I swear Derek, this is not like those other times, I just, I-”

“Stiles,” Derek interrupts, “I believe you.”

Three little words that have the power to render Stiles absolutely speechless. Not only on the outside but in his mind too. He’s been so used to try to convince and bring proofs of his distrust of Theo, to his friends, that when Derek says those three simple words so easily, he just doesn’t know what to do. Well, his body does, apparently though. Because now he’s pretty sure his eyes are filling again. _Ugh_. Since when did he became so emotional? Oh, no, don’t answer that. Cause that would make him think of Dread Doctors, guilt like he never felt before, lying to his dad _again_ , and the possibility of his friends not believing him.

If he ever had an _excuse time_ to feel kind of emotional, that was probably now.

He exhales then, a small smile creeping on his lips, “Thanks,”

Derek shakes his head, “You don’t have anything to thank me for, I don’t get why Scott seems to trust the kid so much. He’s different somehow,”

Stiles nods, “We’ll figure it out.”

~~**~~

Turns out that Stiles has a free period when he gets to school, so he goes to search for the Nemeton with Derek and Lydia.

Lydia smiled a weird smile when she saw them arriving together, kind of surprised and pleased, but then Stiles hadn’t got time to think about it in too deep, because then she’s asking him why they can’t just go to Parrish in the first place.

Stiles sighs as he marks another tree, and catches Derek watching him from another tree a couple of feet away. “We can’t,”

“Why not?” Lydia asks exasperated.

“Because one of them…” He starts, “One of them… Could be a clue…” He says lamely.

Lydia shakes her head, “I’m leaving now, Stiles. I’m gonna talk to Parrish and tell him he’s the one taking the bodies.”

Stiles glances at Derek helplessly, and the Lydia turns again to say, “It’s always better when they know” and walks away.

“Well, he should know that he owes me a Jeep.”

Derek walks over to him and squeezes his shoulder, “She’s right.”

Stiles nods, “I know, I know, I just…”

“When are you going to tell them?”

Stiles takes a deep breath, “After School.”

~~**~~

After Derek takes him to school again, Stiles goes to the library and meets Theo halfway there. He asks about the Nemeton and Stiles tells him that, that’s probably where they were going to find the bodies.

Then Theo brings out Donovan and Stiles frowns, “Yeah, and she’ll also gonna find Josh.”

When Theo tells him that now, maybe, things are different, after what Scott did to Cory, and tries to reassure him telling him that he’s sure Scott wouldn’t blame him. He doesn’t feel much better.

It’s different from when Derek had told him, now if possible, he kind of feels worse, like he probably deserved Donovan’s faith. And it’s then that he sees himself impaled.

~~**~~

Stiles has another free period and he’s just gotten down the stairs when he comes face to face with Derek, “Dude, have you been here the whole time?”

“Cory’s at the hospital and there’s another dead chimera.” Derek says completely ignoring his question.

Stiles curses under his breath and pulls out his phone to call Lydia, while Derek calls Scott.

Lydia is not answering and Stiles’ curses become more colourful.

“Scott’s at the hospital, Cory’s dead.” Derek informs him. And Stiles sighs, shaking his head tiredly. He wonders, if he’ll ever get back those normal days when he didn’t necessarily had to hear of the death of another kid. Derek squeezes his hand in a comforting way, “He’s looking for Hayden and Liam, I told him we’ll look too.”

Stiles nods, “Yes, of course. Uhm,” he checks his watch, “My jeep should be ready now, if you take me to the mechanic we can cover more ground.”

Derek has a constipated look on his face, like he doesn’t like the idea at all, but doesn’t want to show it. Finally, he nods a little too stiffly, and then walks to his Camaro.

~~**~~

After searching unsuccessfully for a while, Stiles finally receives a text from Scott telling him that he found them and that they were going to the animal clinic. He calls Derek and they meet halfway and drive together.

Big, heavy raindrops start to fall and Stiles sighs, praying that the wipers of his poor, battered, but still somewhat hanging Jeep, work. He checks Derek from the rear mirror, and smiles when he sees him close behind. It’s good that Scott has already found the lost puppies cause turns out, Stiles and Derek didn’t cover much ground as Stiles first expected. Once Derek had driven him to the mechanic, Stiles had gotten on his jeep and went to the Preserve thinking that it was worth checking it out. He had driven for a while for then notice the Camaro behind him, when they got there he asked Derek what he was doing there, and the wolf broodily replied that the preserve was too big for only one person to check out, which okay, made sense, but still, it didn’t stop Stiles to feel a warm flutter in his chest. He had tried to convince him to go one way while he took the other though, so that they could encompass the whole preserve between the two of them. Derek had protested but in the end had given in. The broody, protective werewolf.

He stops in front of the Clinic just as Scott mounts down from his motorbike.

“Hey, sorry. I had trouble starting the jeep again. The thing’s barely hanging on… and I couldn’t get in touch with Lydia,” Stiles says getting out of his jeep. He turns as he hears the Camaro coming to a stop just then.

When he turns to look at Scott, his friend wouldn’t meet his eyes, “Scott?” then he pulls out the wrench that he used to protect himself from Donovan while he was trying to repair his jeep. Stiles gulps as he tries to understand what’s going on, “Where did you get that?”

“Is this yours?” Scott asks and somehow succeeds in conveying all the judgement that Stiles had always been afraid of. He takes a deep breath and takes the tool, still covered in blood, from him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Stiles looks down at the wrench, “I was going to…”

“Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?”

Stiles heart was pounding in his chest, “I couldn’t,” He says, finally, gathering the courage to look up.

“You killed him? You killed Donovan?” Scott asks again in that same tone that now was grating on Stiles skin.

“He was going to kill my dad.” He says suddenly angry, “What? I was supposed to just let him?”

“You weren’t supposed to do this! None of us are.”

Stiles narrows his eyes, “You think I had a choice?”

“There’s always a choice.”

And it’s the last drop. Stiles is mad, like he’d never been before. Suddenly all the times that he felt inadequate confronted with Scott’s unrealistic expectations when it comes to their decisions in shit-show that became their lives since they were thrown in the supernatural world, come bubbling up, “Well, I can’t do what you can, Scott! I know you would’ve have done it. You probably would’ve figured something out, right?” he asks rhetorically, because of course, Stiles knows the answer.

“I’d try.” Scott says uselessly.

“Yeah, because, YOU’RE SCOTT MCCALL! You’re the True Alpha. Guess what, all of us can’t be true alphas. Some of us has to make mistakes,” he says, looking him dead in the eyes, “Some of us has to get out hands a little bloody sometimes, some of us ARE HUMANS!”

“Did you have to kill him?”

Stiles thinks that his heart broke a little just then. Was Scott seriously asking him that? “Scott, he was going to kill my dad!”

“The way that it happened– There is a point where it’s just not self-defence anymore,”

Stiles frowns, his heart starting to pound again in his chest, “What are you even talking about? I didn’t have a choice, Scott.” He looks at his friend and he knows from the furrowed line on his forehead that he’s not listening to Stiles, “You don’t even believe me, do you?”

“I want to,”

“Alright, so believe me, then.” Scott’s still frowning and the anger that filled Stiles just a few seconds ago is gone, all he wants is his best friend to, if not understand him, at least believe him. He needs it. “Scott, say you believe me.” He takes a step closer, “Say it. Say you believe me.”

Scott won’t look at him, “Stiles, we can’t kill people that we’re trying to save!”

Stiles clenches his jaw, taking another step closer, “Say you believe me.” Scott flinches away, taking several steps back. Stiles looks down at the wrench in his hand and then up to his friend’s face, frozen in place.

“We can’t Kill people! You believe that?”

He’s losing him. But he can’t lose him. Stiles can’t lose his best friend. It’s always been Scott and Stiles. Stiles and Scott. He’s nothing without him, “What do I do about this?” he asks, “What do you want me to do okay, Jus-” his voice weavers and he gulps around the knot in his throat, “Scott tell me how to fix this alright, just tell me what do you want me to do!”

“Don’t worry about Lydia,” he starts, “I’ll find her, maybe… Maybe you should talk to your dad.” And he starts walking away but then, suddenly Derek is calling Scott’s name.

“Scott wait!” he says suddenly in front of Stiles, grabbing at Scott’s wrist to keep him where he is, “Can’t you see what’s happening here? He’s playing you!” Derek thunders, “I couldn’t figure it out at first, but now I can. His plan had always been to make the pack fall apart. And you are falling for it! You trust someone that you haven’t seen in _years_ over your best friend?”

Scott frowns without saying anything and Derek goes on, “Your best friend that would literally do anything for you. You push _Stiles_ away? For what? Killing someone that otherwise would’ve killed _him and his father_? What is wrong with you!?” Derek bellowed in anger, furious like Stiles had never seen him before, “You would’ve preferred otherwise? Standing in front of a coffin where he” Derek turns sideways to point at Stiles, “You’re best friend would’ve laid? Huh, Scott? Would _that_ have been better for you?”

Scott looks at him bewildered, “No!”

Derek scoffs, “Then, what the hell are you doing?” he asks, but doesn’t give him time to reply, “You have these insanely high standards,” he starts again quieter. “You’re willing to sacrifice the people who love you, who you supposedly love back, in order to live by them. But guess what, Scott.” Derek says taking a step towards him, “People fuck up. And I’ll tell you something even more incredible,” Derek slaps lightly on his chest, “You just fucked up too.”

And with that Derek turns determined to walk away without a glance back, but as soon as he catches Stiles eye, he hesitates, suddenly unsure of how Stiles would react. Then he gulps and continues to walk to his car, leaving him alone with Scott again.

Stiles looks at his best friend. His heart actually hurts at seeing him like that, completely lost and broken. And if it were any other time, Stiles wouldn’t have thought twice before going to him and wrap Scott in a hug, offering his comfort and his strength.

But Stiles is broken too, now. He doesn’t have any strength in him, any comfort to offer. He’s empty. So he turns and climbs on his jeep, driving away. Leaving Scott behind, for the first time in his life.

* * *

 

 

**A/N: Okay wow, I actually wrote it. This whole last scene is one of the reasons why I started to write this fic in the first place. I had actually written this Derek’s intervention part, way before 5x09 aired. We knew there was going to be a fallout between Sciles, and I wanted more than anything for someone (DEREK) to open Scott’s eyes and defend Stiles. *sobs***

**Please leave comments telling me what you think, I’m in so many feels right now. #MissingDerekHale2k15**

**Come say hi, or cry, or talk _and_ cry about Sterek or Sciles forever on [Tumblr ](http://bellarkemylovers.tumblr.com/)<3**


	5. Everything's going to be okay.

With his eyes stinging and his heart breaking for what seemed like the thousandth time, Stiles drove away not paying attention to where he was going, but pushing on the accelerator just to get away.

He’d lost him. He had lost Scott.

He thinks of the first time he saw him in kindergarten.

How Stiles that had been kneeling on the ground playing with a plastic triceratops, doing _totally_ faithful noises from the back of his throat to mimic the sounds made by the awesome badass herbivore dinosaurs -because back then he was _all_ for dinosaurs and dinosaurs programs- had suddenly looked up to a chubby cheeked boy staring down at the plastic animal wide-eyed, and how in that moment he’d known even in -or because of- his four year-old mind that that little guy, with the exact duplicate of the triceratops clenched in his fist, was going to be his best friend for life.

And now it was all gone.

He’d known that it would hurt, but even so he hadn’t been prepared for this. He feels like an essential part of his body had been cut away without anaesthesia. His heart throbbed and his tears were now freely descending on his cheeks.

He turned to look at the wrench, suddenly angry, it was its fault, if Scott wouldn’t have found it he could’ve had the time to tell him what happened himself, if-

He started coughing as smoke started to come out from the dashboard making his eyes sting even more than before.

“No no no no no. C’mon!” he pulled the handbrake, “Dammit!” he hit the steering wheel and got out of the jeep.

 

Derek watches as smoke started to come out from the jeep in front of him and feels his body go rigid. He had stopped the car ready to dash out when he sees Stiles get out and make his way to the passenger seat to take something out.

Derek waits inside the car unsure if joining him would be okay. He ached to be near him, to offer him his comfort but maybe Stiles needed to be left alone. And if Stiles _wanted_ Derek would do anything in his power to _give_.

He watched as Stiles pulled up the hood and exhaled when he saw him throw away the black case. When he heard the crash of the wrench hitting the windshield he closed his eyes and counted to ten before getting out and walking up to him.

 

After a while spent in silence, Derek bumps gently his shoulder to Stiles’.

“Did that make you feel better?”

Stiles exhales. “No,” he shakes his head. “Not at all.”

Derek didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to say, really. Derek hardly spoke on a regular basis, he certainly wasn’t going to break the tradition by uttering some bullshit comfort lie like _everything’s going to be okay_.

“Everything’s going to be okay.” Stiles says. “That’s what people say when the world around them is going to shit.” He snorts, “What bullshit’s that? It’s _not_ going to be okay, the- _my_ world is falling apart. I lost Scott, I’m probably going to lose my dad too. So, no. Nothing’s going to be okay. Nothing.” Stiles breathes hard through his nose and notices that his body started to shake at some point.

It was cold at this point in the season and this late at night, but he doubts that the shivers coursing through his body were caused from the drop of temperature.

Could someone get PTSD after breaking up with his best friend? Maybe not, but the other shit that happened before… Yep. Those definitely explain it.

“Stiles,”

Stiles turns to look at the werewolf. He was sitting beside him, with his back resting on the jeep, and was looking down at his hands hanging loosely on his knees.

“For what it’s worth… You’re not alone.” Derek says turning to look at him in the eyes.

Stiles feels something crack open in his chest and suddenly he sees a boy in front a house on fire. He feels his anger, his sadness, and his loneliness. The realization that nothing would be like it was before. That no matter what he did, there was no making up to it, no doing over.

And that same boy that had been hurt and betrayed so many times until he had built an exterior of ice, the boy that Stiles knew as the loneliest man that he had ever met was telling him that he wouldn’t be alone. Because Stiles would have Derek, no matter what.

_But he left._

A little, ugly voice says inside his head.

_What’s stopping him from doing it again?_

He shuts the voices by leaning in without thinking, and before he can fully grasp how it happens, he’s kissing Derek on the lips.

It feels right like nothing else in his life ever did, all for a full second, before the panic starts to settle in.

Derek is obviously frozen in shock given his total lack of response. And Stiles has officially buried himself in the deepest load of shit in history.

He leans back wide-eyed. “I’m so sorry,” he blurts scrabbling to get on his feet. “Oh my god.” He moans hiding his face in his hands, “I’m so, _so_ sorry,-”

“Stiles,”

“I am the worst, most pathetic human being on this planet, oh my god.” He moans again in horror, still hiding his face in his hands.

“Stiles.” Derek says again, sounding suspiciously like he’s… _smiling?_ He also takes a hold of Stiles’ wrists forcing him into lowering his hands to his sides, “Open your eyes.”

Stiles does what every mature person in his situation would have done.

He squeezes his eyes tighter and shakes his head making a noise like a dying animal.

Derek releases a puff of air that sounds again like a laugh cut off.

That finally does it. No matter what, Stiles curiosity would always win over everything.

_Curiosity killed the cat? Ha- joke’s on you, after everything I’ve been through, my cat’s fuckin’ immortal._

When he finally opens his eyes, he did think for a second that he was dead though. Because Derek Hale was smiling, and if that’s not an otherworldly thing right there, he doesn’t know what was.

“Uh,” Stiles gapes, not sure how to react in front of this peculiar turn of events.

Derek sobers up, and Stiles tries hard no to show the grief he’s feeling for the loss of that rare, beautiful thing that was Derek’s smile. “Did you want to do it?” Derek asked.

“Do what?” Derek raises an eyebrow, and suddenly the kiss comes back into focus again. Along with Derek’s lips that now Stiles is incapable of looking away from. “Oh, right…” He feels himself flush red and forces himself to tear his eyes away turning them onto his feet. “Yeah.” He finally says honestly.

He hears and feels Derek’s surprised intake of air from the hold that he still has on Stiles’ wrists and braces himself for the blow.

“Don’t leave” Stiles blurts before he could stop himself, “Please, don’t. I swear I won’t do it again, just- don’t lea-ve” He flinches when his voice breaks at the end.

_Way_ to sound and look more pathetic that he already feels.

Derek lets go of his wrists and brings his hands up to cup Stiles’ face and tip it upwards so that Stiles is forced to look at him. And kissed him.

It isn’t anything hot or deep. Just a gentle peck on his lips, but Stiles’ heart stuttered the same.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Is what Derek says when he leans back from his lips. “Do you understand?”

Stiles nods licking his lips and watches Derek dropping his eyes to catch the movement. “Does- does that mean that…” he took a deep breath, “You like me?”

Derek’s lips twitches, “Yeah.”

Stiles mouth hung open, “Seriously? Like for real?” Derek rolls his eyes and Stiles grins, “You do! You like me!” He lets out an ecstatic short laugh and looks at Derek with shining eyes. “Do you feel like you’re back in fifth grade asking your crush if they like you back?” he asks grinning maniacally. “This is surreal.” He shakes his head in wonder.

“What? Me liking you?” Derek asks frowning.

Stiles cocks his head to the side and nods, “Yeah, that’s totally surreal to be honest.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Wait, are we talking like ‘I like you as friend’ kinda like or ‘I like you I’d totally do sexy things with you’ kinda like?”

Derek gives him a blank look.

“Oh, answer the damn question, _sourwolf_ ” Stiles huffs.

“I kissed you, Stiles. I think that answer the kind of like I like you.” He frowns as he thought of what he just said and Stiles laughs totally guessing his confusion.

“So, it is the like number two?”

“Yes.”

Stiles grins, “I want to hear you say it; ‘I like you, I’d totally do sexy things with you’”

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh, c’mon!”

“No.”

“Not even for me? To make me smile?”

“You’re already grinning like a lunatic.”

“Says the one with the splitting smile on his face.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Stiles laughs. Burring his face in the crook of Derek’s neck. He inhales deeply and relishes in the knowledge that it’s allowed. That he could really do it without being afraid of inexistent consequences because Derek _likes him._ He feels Derek’s hand on his back and Stiles fights the urge to sag in the embrace and switch off the world by dissolving himself in Derek’s scent and warmth.

Reluctantly he forces himself to lean back and looks up at Derek with a small smile.

“What do we do about it?”

Derek strokes his cheek with the pad of his thumb, “Whatever you want.”

Stiles’ smile broadens. Normally he wouldn’t waste the chance to tease him for the sappiness of what he just said, but right now he was too damn happy and feeling a sap himself, so he nods and ponders it over.

His stomach drops a little as he thought of the other parts of his life that were still in pieces or about to break.

“I have to-” he exhales. “I _need_ to take care of the other stuff, I need to tell my dad about Donovan,” He says. “I need to make things better with Scott. He’s my best friend, I know he must feel as bad as I do.” He grimaces as he thinks of what he’s going to say next.

Derek squeezes his shoulder in a comforting gesture and Stiles smiles sadly at him.

“I need to take control of my life again before I lose myself in you.”

“Okay,” Derek nods. “I can work with that.” He says with an encouraging small smile, “Where do we start?”

Stiles grins. Relieved that Derek had said _We_ and had completely dismissed the idea of Stiles wanting to do this alone. He’d said that he wasn’t going to leave him on his own, and he was sticking to it. He wistfully patted the side of his jeep, “First, we call a tow car and take care of this baby.”

* * *

 

Once the jeep had been taken care of, they grab some coffee and go to the station in Derek’s Camaro.

The drive is spent in companionable silence, a shy glance thrown towards one another, once in a while.

When Derek stops in front of the station he glances towards Stiles who meets his gaze with a nervous smile. Derek squeezes his hand. _You can do this._

Stiles nods and takes a deep breath steading himself.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Derek asks just as Stiles opens his door.

Stiles closes the door and looked back at him. “No,” he says. “I need to do this on my own.” He searched Derek’s face for hurt but he just nodded and said,

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

Stiles looks at him with a pained expression. “I count on it.” He replies and gets out of the car before he could do something stupid. Like kissing him on the nose.

* * *

Stiles had just sat on the bench in front of his father’s office when everyone started to go nuts as Parrish with his eyes glowing came out from the cell. He told everyone to lower their guns and get out of his way and let him go. Surprisingly they listened to him, maybe he sounded like he knew what he was doing or maybe was the mere fact that he was the sheriff’s son. Either way, he was grateful for it.

He got out of the station, hot on Parish’s heels ready to jump in Derek’ Camaro and follow him. But when he got outside, Derek was nowhere to be seen. He checks inside the Camaro. The doors are unlocked but the keys, after a quick inspection, aren’t anywhere he’d looked.

“Shit,” he mutters as he straightens and sees Parish turning the corner disappearing from his line of sight.

“Dammit Derek!” _You said you’d be here._

He makes a quick decision and decides to go after Parrish and sends a text to Derek.

**Parrish’s on the loose. Following him. Text you with a location.**

 

* * *

 

Stiles watches Parrish get in the van and swears when Derek doesn’t pick up the phone.

He had been trying his number almost nonstop since he set off to follow the deputy and not once had Derek picked up. And Stiles was starting to freak out.

Something must have happened.

There was no way Derek would leave his car unlocked. And he’d said that he would wait for him.

His pulse starts to speeds up and he leans on the wall beside him to have something to anchor him. It takes him several deep breaths and repeating a mantra that sounded pityingly like _it’s going to be okay_ over and over again until he’s able to somewhat stem off the rising panic.

He needs to talk to Scott. He needs his help.

“Stiles.”

_Perfect. Just when he thought things couldn’t go any worse, Theo Raeken appears from nowhere._

Stiles turns and he grits his teeth as he watches Theo approach him with that obnoxious smirk of his. Maybe he could use him, “Parrish has the bodies, we need to tell Scott.” He says starting to walk towards the pickup from which Theo just got off.

“Stiles, wait.”

“Parrish got the bodies, we’ve got to find Scott and tell him-”

“STILES!”

Stiles closes the door that he had just opened and narrowed his eyes.

“Scott doesn’t want to talk to you.” Theo says and Stiles breaths hard from his nose.

“Yeah, thanks, I’m aware of that.” Stiles replies, “It doesn’t matter, he has to know.” He reaches for the door handle again.

“Stiles, he doesn’t want to talk to you.” Something in Theo’s tone makes him pause. “But I think Derek and your dad do…” Theo says pulling out Stiles’ library card and Derek’s Camaro keys with the little triskelion keychain attached to them.

Stiles’ stomach drops, his pulse speeding up and suddenly he feels angrier than he did in a long time. “Where are they?”

Theo smiles his ugly smile, pleased to have the upper hand evidently, “Your dad was looking for you, he found me instead.. He found the card in the hospital… I covered for you,” he says narrowing his eyes “I guess even the son of a cop makes mistakes… And Derek,” he smirks. “What’s the deal with you two, anyway?” Stiles takes a step towards him and Theo raises his hands in fake surrender, “Fine, sore spot, huh? It was pure luck that I found him, really… I just had to imply that something had happened to you that he was out of the car and ready to take the world,” he shrugs.

“Did you hurt them?”

Theo pauses to look at him and then smiles patronisingly. Stiles had never wanted to punch someone this much in his entire life. “I’ve never lied about why I came to Beacon Hills.” Theo says, “I’m here for a pack. I came for the banshee, the girl surrounded by death. I came for the dark Kitsune, the beta with the anger issues, I Came for Void Stiles. THAT’S the pack I WANT. Unfortunately it doesn’t include Scott.”

Stiles clenches his fists and decides that the fact that he hadn’t included Derek on the list was a small blessing.

“Your heartbeat is rising, Stiles.” Theo observes, “It’s not because you’re afraid, though. The Nogitsune is gone, but you still manage to get blood on your hands.”

Stiles takes a step towards him, “And I’m about to get more.”

“I’ll tell you where your dad and Derek are” Theo smiles, “If you promise not to help Scott.”

Stiles punches him square on the jaw and Theo chortles. “THERE HE IS! THAT’S Void Stiles! It felt good, didn’t it?”

Stiles punches him again, this time so hard that he sends Theo on the ground.

“You didn’t want to tell Scott, because he was your best friend, right? But we both know that you never needed him-” Theo taunts him and Stiles grabs him from his jumper, ready to punch him again, but then Theo says, “You hate me now, but you’ll get it eventually. You can’t help Scott and save your dad and Derek, Stiles. But you still have time. You still got time.”

* * *

 

Stiles hadn’t think twice once he’d made up his mind.

His father had the priority over _anything_.

And Scott, hopefully would be strong enough to take care of himself.

He arrives at the house where Deputy Parrish had been attacked not so long ago and hurdles into the basement where his dad and Derek should be.

As soon as he sees his dad lying on the ground in a pool of blood he feels his knees go weak and he barely manages to not fall until he’s close enough to touch him.

“DAD!” he chokes as he checks for his pulse.

He dazedly calls for an ambulance and then proceeds to check where exactly he was hurt.

“Stiles,”

“Dad, don’t move, tell me where you’re hurt.” Stiles says blinking tears.

“Shoulder,” his dad manages.

Stiles immediately makes to move aside the fabric of his shirt and frowns when he sees that the wound had already been bandaged. He looks at his dad when he feels him squeeze his hand. His dad’s eyes darts at a corner of the room.

“Took my pain.”

_Derek_.

His vision swims for a second as he spots the pale body a couple of feet away from where he was sitting on the ground beside his dad.

“He okay?” his dad rasps out trying to turn to see Derek better.

“Stop, you’ll hurt yourself!” Stiles cried, taking a hold on his dad to still him. “I’m going to check on him, promise you won’t go anywhere.”

His dad nods, “I promise, kiddo.”

Stiles’ vision clouds again and he feels his chest constrict as his dad gives him a small, encouraging smile.

He shuffles towards Derek in shaky legs and drops like a marionette whose strings had been cut off when he reaches his side. His body is almost entirely covered in black lines. Courtesy of the wolfsbane coursing in his veins.

“Derek,” He half chokes half sobs as he touches his skin to feel for his pulse.

Derek doesn’t move. He’s pale and… _he looks dead._

“Derek, please.” Just then he feels a weak _thump_ under his fingertips and he scrabbles to take a firm hold on Derek’s head. “Derek, you’re not going to die like this! I’m sorry for this, but you can punch me back if you want to.” Stiles says him and slaps him with a loud _smack_ that resonates in the almost empty room.

He’s about to have another go when Derek starts coughing and rolls to his side to puke black goo.

Stiles helps him stay on his side, rubbing his back.

“You’re okay.” Derek says smiling, barely conscious as he looks up at Stiles. And Stiles makes another half sound between a sob and a laugh, because given their current situation, is seems like a stupid thing to say. “Your dad!” Derek exclaims, then, trying to sit up.

As on cue the paramedics arrive just then and start taking care of his dad.

“He’s going to be okay thanks to you,” Stiles reassures him shakily, holding Derek in his arms. “But now, I need you to take care of yourself, okay? We need to take the wolfsbane out of your system and for you to start healing..” He says, unnecessarily, but talking of what needed to be done always helped him.

Derek starts to seizure just when a paramedic lowers beside them to check on him.

Stiles has something that he can only describe as an extracorporeal experience. He sees himself, pale, dark bruises under his eyes, his hair sticking in every-which direction, his eyes impossibly wide and _scared_.

In all his life there were only few times that he felt this scared. Even considering these last years of high school, with all the crazy stuff happening, nothing had compared to the fear that he’d felt when he realized that he would have to go on without his mother in his life.

It came to a close near whenever his dad’s life was threatened but now was different. Derek was dying and there was the possibility that his dad wouldn’t turn out to be okay in the end. And Scott. Scott could be gone too for all he knew.

He would have to go on alone. His dad, Scott, and Derek gone.

_Everything’s going to be okay._

He repeats it over and over again in his head.

He repeats it while he watches Derek go into cardiac arrest.

_Everything’s going to be okay._

He repeats it when Derek’s come back and the paramedics move him onto a stretcher.

_Everything’s going to be okay._

He repeats again in his head as he stares unseeingly at his dad’s and Derek’s pale faces while riding on the ambulance.

He thinks of the irony. He’d call it bullshit not even twenty-four hours ago, and now it was possibly the only thing keeping him from losing it.

And in that moment he understood why people said it.

It wasn’t because it was necessarily turn into truth. But because they _needed to believe_ that it would become true. It was so that they could keep themselves sane, the need to have hope that it would get better.

“Everything’s going to be okay.” He says.


End file.
